Always wear pajamas....

The short version: always wear pajamas to bed. Now, always infinitely more entertaining, the long version...

Saturday night Levi was a little restless. He woke up just before 2:30 in the morning, hungry and wanting to eat. I made him a bottle, then sat rocking him in the corner of his room, waiting for him to finish and go back to sleep, so that I too could go back to sleep. I'm sitting there, rather drowsy, when I realize I hear a male voice outside the window. Our neighborhood is full of college students who come and go at rather late hours, and the front window is very close to the street where they often park in front of our house, so I didn't think too much of it. Until I suddenly realize that the voice is coming from the side window, not the front window. The only thing outside of the side window is our driveway where both of our cars are parked. I set Levi down and peered through the blinds, not really expecting to see anything. Standing right up against my car, facing the car and the window I was at, was a strange guy. In the split second it took for my mind to register what I was seeing, I noticed that his hands were down low, doing something I couldn't see, and he was standing right up against my car, near the side mirror, or even just in front of it. Without thinking, I pounded on the window yelling "HEY!" as loud as I could. The guy looks up, eyes big as saucers with a look of panic on his face, then bolts.

Now here is where I tell you that I grabbed my phone and called the police, staying safe inside my house. Right? Yeah...not so much. Again, without thinking, I immediately ran to the front door and threw it open, running outside while screaming "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!" And...I was in just my garments. That's all. Nice. The guy was gone already, I must have terrified him when I pounded on the window, but that didn't stop me from walking up and down the driveway, looking up and down the street and making sure our cars were okay. While I'm doing this, Chris comes running outside, gun in hand, wearing just his garments as well. He had been sound asleep when I pounded on the window, and it apparently was so loud he thought someone was breaking in the front door and so he grabbed his gun and came running.

Meanwhile, poor Levi is inside screaming his head off. Even though I had set him down before I looked outside, the pounding and screaming was too much and the poor little guy was hysterical. While Chris kept checking the front yard, I grabbed Levi (who calmed down very quickly) and my cell phone, and went to my room to (finally) throw on some clothes as I called our local police department to report the suspicious person and ask them to check the area. I told the dispatcher I was a dispatcher for the Sheriff's Department, and she let me know there were a couple of officers already right around the corner on a large party.

I checked over my car again, and there was no damage, no attempted break in or vandalism, and I thought back to when I saw the guy. He wasn't actually at my driver's window, he was a little in front of it, almost directly even with the front tire. I thought about how I couldn't see his hands over the hood because they were down low, doing something, and suddenly realized....I think that guy was getting ready to pee on my car!!! I think a couple of drunk guys were leaving the party around the corner that the police were breaking up, and when they got to their car parked in front of my house, one of them said to the other, "Hey man, I gotta pee...no one can see me here between their cars...I'm gonna pee on their tire, that'll be funny man!" Yeah, joke's on you dude. When I pounded on the window like that, I guarantee you just wet your pants. Enjoy riding home with that one. And to reinforce my theory, the car that was parked in front of our house just happened to leave about 20 minutes later, in between the safety checks I kept doing on the front yard.


But the real moral of this story is....wear pajamas to bed. No one wants you running around outside at 2:30 in the morning in just your underwear. No one. And you never know when that's going to be happening!


**As a side note, Chris did chastise me for running outside unarmed instead of running to get him and letting him go outside with his gun first. Yes, in hindsight that probably would have been the safer thing to do. But like I told Chris: between you running out with your gun, and me running out in just my garments, mascara smeared under my eyes and ratty bed hair, screaming like a crazy woman, I was probably the scarier of the two. Just saying.